Michigan girl [living a] Military Life

I've processed over and over what I would say when my manager would come to me and say "I'm terminating you." I thought I would start telling everyone that I didn't like off. Cussing them all out and giving them a piece of my mind. Another thought would be, that I start balling and just run out of the kitchen crying. Instead, I signed the paperwork walked out of the office with my head held high, said my goodbyes to the select few that I chose to say goodbye to and then left. It was a good three year run. The longest job I've ever had. It's a bittersweet ending that's for sure. On to a new chapter. I'm three weeks away from finishing school. Two months away from graduating, hopefully. Three months away from finding out where we will be living after Colorado and then hopefully come October, we'll be out of Colorado and can officially start a new beginning. I pray everyday for a better tomorrow. I keep my head held high with every thing that ...

Lost a diamond in my wedding/engagement/promise ring today =(. I’m not too happy about it. Walking around with a naked left ring finger sucks. I’m half tempted to go get my mom’s wedding rings out of the pawn shop (that I pawned 2 years ago) just so I don’t feel naked anymore. && because of his deployment preparation my husband is out in the field training at the moment with no cell service so I can’t tell him. I know its not the worse thing in the world, but I’m going crazy not having it. I don’t want to wear it in fear of losing the other stones and I have only somewhat of an idea of where my husband got the ring which was in Michigan. Damn.

Hubby is out in the field yet again..and I'm not content with this whatsoever. Our communication is lacking again and I hate it. I know it's because he is out there and has hardly any phone reception, firing a gun all day and now that he is a SGT his responsibilities have doubles I'm sure. I guess I still don't fully trust him all the way yet. I still have feelings that he's texting and calling the gerbil. The first step in communication is telling him this. I suppose I will tomorrow. That is all.

So I know everyone ... literally everyone ... has said that this year is going to be different for them. Well let's face it, no one will change. I, however, plan on it. I've already changed in a major way. I've gone an entire week without any nicotine and it wasn't as hard as I thought. I definitely thought the drive home was going to break me because I've always associated driving with smoking.  Back when I used to hide my smoking from everyone I would just get in the car and drive. I really am tired of coughing non-stop when I wake up in the morning. Its getting to the point where I don't even enjoy smoking its more or less I do it because I'm addicted. NOT ANYMORE!!! 2012 was a horrible year for me...again I know everyone has said that, but it really has. And I'm sure there are people who have an even harder year than I have, but the events that when on throughout this past year made me realize how strong I still am and made me stronger than what ...

I don't know what to feel, think, say, or do anymore. I understand marriages have hardships, but I hate that I take one little fight and blow it way out of proportion. At the time I think it's the best thing to do...just let it all off my chest, but the next day I regret it. It's like drunk texting. You know you shouldn't be texting what you're texting but you do it anyway...and regret it the next day. I'm living with someone who doesn't want to look at me now. In a sense I guess I was right last night, he isn't happy. The biggest issue I have over all of this...without going into the blowout of the argument because I don't want to relive it, is I shouldn't have to ask you to invite me places, especially when I'm your wife. Regardless if I have to work or not. You know what time I get off and that I always text you right when I'm on my way home. Instead of a "No, I'm not home" text how about a "No, I'm not home...ho...

I've been thinking of my Aunt Rhonda a ton lately. I remember three and a half years ago almost four years ago...I moved into her house to help her out when she was going through chemo. She never asked for anything, but I just knew when she needed my help and how considerate she was when I needed a place to stay. I wish she were here now, I talk about her all the time and I'm sad that Alex met her at her worst. She was so full of life even then, but he would've loved her when she was well. I'm sad that my future children will never get the chance to know her love, her kindness, her faith in God, and her selflessness like I did. The only thing I can do is try to do my best in teaching them that. I know she is watching down on all of us and smiling at all the good things we have accomplished, but I just feel like she was taken too soon. Our time was cut short and I don't think it's fair.

Less than 30 days...and Alex J will officially be home and in my arms. Be prepared for him and I to be attached at the hip, once again. This guy is my best friend and always will be. We've overcome so much within this last year and I've found myself again while he is gone. I'm back to being an independent person (I never knew I lost some of my independence...until I lived 1300 miles away from my family and 8000 away from my significant other). I feel like there is so much to do in the next 30 days and I don't even know where to begin. I know I need to get a move on, on some of these things that need tobe done before he gets home. I want it to be exactly the way he left it back in November. I have to make welcome home signs (one for gate 1, one for the overpass on Academy, one for the garage to the apartment, and one for me to hold while I wait for his arrival).