Michigan girl [living a] Military Life

As I sit here in the breakroom at work...alone. I can't help but think this time next year I'll be welcoming my husband home. We'll be going home to our friends and family in Michigan and I will finally get the wedding I dreamed of. Then like any other daydream it gets ripped apart before I get all of that, I have to deal with the goodbye and the stress of him being gone a whole year. I can't anticipate his arrival back to the states because he hasn't left yet. Someone asked me yesterday how I felt about Alex deploying. I simply shrugged my shoulders. I don't know how to feel about it yet. All I know is that I don't want him to go, but I can't be selfish either. This is the lifestyle he signed up for and this is the lifestyle I married into. I keep telling myself to be strong and that this year will fly by just like the past 6 months have flown by. I am constantly letting Alex know that I am strong enough to handle this on my own, but really I am scared...

&& I totally do not mean that in a good way what's so ever. My soldier will be deploying the first week in June. I have one weekend left to spend with him, thanks to my job. Then it's good-bye. I hate good-bye's btw. They suck. Even see you later's stink. Nothing about leaving is happy. I know I can go through the next year just fine without him, but there is still the initial worry of "what the heck is going on over there" I won't be able to contact him everyday I'm going to have to wait for him to be able to contact me. That's the part I hated the last time. He would always end his phone calls with "ok well I'll try to call you tomorrow" or "i'll talk to you soon" I hated it. Coz' I never knew when that was going to be. I've lost a couple times already and have said some hurtful things to him in the process. Why can't this all just be easy?