ANNOYED

I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!
The dogs are irritating the hell out of me. Seriously, Lucky won't calm the hell down. I am not one for hitting my dog, but I have spanked her so many times...and still nothing. My husband is having insecurities already and we aren't even two months down into this deployment. I have to reassure him that there is no one I want, only him. My biggest thing is I can't have guy friends but he can meet up with a girl he cheated on his ex with. Regardless, if they were in the same location for ten minutes...it is unnecessary. I am not his ex-fiance ... or whatever she was ... I am me. I am not in this relationship for the money (coz' there isn't any), and I am not in it so I can have the best of both worlds (single life & married life). I am in this for him. AJB forever.
I'm slowly losing my strength and I don't want to. I want to be the strongest army wife ever. I want to be able to say next year, "Deployment...a piece of cake." it is emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. I would give everything I have just for this deployment to be over with. I am trying my hardest to keep my strength. Trying my hardest to keep my insecurities and my stress unknown to him so he doesn't have to worry about it. Sadly, I am breaking down though. He's starting to see right through me.
It's pretty bad when you put on this huge front all day and then when you get home just bawl your eyes out. I have done that all day today, and slept. When the husband asks "what's wrong?" I tell him "I don't know." He never believes me, but I honestly don't know what is wrong with me. I need to go get myself checked out, maybe it's hormone inbalance or something. My mom had it when she was my age, I just assumed it was because she had two kids already. I however; probably will never have kids because my body is stupid. That's what I think anyway. =[ I cry because of that too.

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