I realized today that I don't tell my husband I love him enough. I mean he makes sure that he tells me he loves me and misses me everyday while he is gone. Even if that means getting on facebook for five minutes--though he gets in trouble--just to get the chance to message it to me. He spends a shit load of money on minutes for a phone that doesn't work half the time to text it to me if the internet is down. And for some reason I can't seem to tell him more than 'I love you too' or 'I miss you too, babe.' Does that make me a bad wife? I love him with all of my heart and with my insecurities I feel that he is going to leave me because I don't express how I feel. He knows I have a hard time dealing with my feelings. I have a huge security wall up and he's been the only one to break through it. Although, he's broken through it I still can't accept compliments from him.

On a different note, as much as I want to finish school and get it over with I desperately need a break. Going through University of Phoenix is definitely rough. The only real break I get is two weeks off for Christmas and New Years. I haven't done homework in the past two weeks. I didn't go to class last night. I have no motivation for it right now, but I do want to get it done. I think the only reason I don't want to take a break is because A. I know I'm going to when Alex gets that month block leave and B. when we move back to Michigan in October. I won't have time to do homework when I'm 1300 miles away.

I went to the dentist yesterday and I hate my mother even more now. Because she was too lazy to take us to the dentist when we were younger and never stressed about brushing our teeth more than once a day. I have a shit ton of work that needs to be done before I can even attempt to see an orthodontist. I have slight bone loss in my lower jaw, every molar but two have cavities in them, slight gingivitus because I had a nervous habit of picking my gums, when I was younger, until they bled. I also have a wisdom tooth that broke through but because I have all these other problems with my teeth that is the least of my dentist's worries right now.

I don't even want to talk about my mom right now, but I feel like I need to so I don't explode on someone or worse turn into a drunk like I did before. Nothing has changed with her. She is still seeing someone who is 18 years younger than her, addicted to cocaine/crack, hiding a fugitive, forging my signeture to get things that she needs, and of course being a deadbeat mother to my 12 year old brother. Did I mention this guy is an unregistered sex offender? He decided to peek in my sister's windows on Friday night. Luckily, her friend pulled into the driveway before he could attempt to do anything else. She called the police and informed them of what was going on. They stopped him on the corner of her road and a main street, but had nothing to hold him on there was no arrest warrant on him at all. Michigan's legal systems sucks dick apparently. So my sister went and got a Personal Protection Order on him yesterday, she just has to have someone serve it to him that isn't afraid of the guy. Dude is psycho for real!!

The whole not smoking thing was failed yet again, I have too much stress right now to quit, call it an excuse but whatever that's what it is. Think I'm a bitch when I smoke just imagine me without cigarettes. I figure I can't get myself pregnant right now anyway so might as well enjoy nicotine until AJB is almost home.

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