A year ago today....
I wrote this two days after Jake passed away, but wanted to share it with you all today...on the 1 year remembrance of his life taken from us.
I wanted to read it at the funeral, but in the midst of everything going on forgot to bring it with me. Some of these questions have been answered within this year, but the others will remain unanswered forever.
June 28, 2014
I can't believe you're gone! I'm still waiting for a facebook status/snapchat/text/call saying "Haha! I GOT YOU ALL!!" Let's face it Jake you were quite the jokester. I didn't realize how much of an impact you had on our ENTIRE TOWN until this happened. The person that killed you has NO IDEA the grief they caused. I hate this person with a passion and I would LOVE to seek revenge on them. An eye for an eye right? I know that would get me no where and would do more harm than good.
I never imagined I would experience the loss of my best friend...especially the loss of you. There are so many regrets I have. I regret all the times I told you 'No' on hanging out, I regret not calling/texting more, but most importantly I regret not being as good of a best friend now like I was when I lived there.
I've been playing the blame game with myself for the past two days. I know there is nothing I could have done to stop you from leaving, but there will always be a part of me that thinks I could have. I'm angry! So angry! You still had so fight in you., You still had so many dreams left to achieve. In seven years of being your friend, I've seen you grow as a person. From an immature teenager to a man whose top priority was to provide for his family. Family has always been you passion whether they were blood or a friend that accepted you for who you were and going to become.
I've been praying every night since I got the news that you felt no pain, that your adrenaline was so high that the impact of the crash killed you instantly. Morbid I know, but I hope that's how it happened. I pray that someone comes forward and provides us all with the information that will give us all a little bit of closure.
The next trip home is not going to be the same. There will be no texts from you saying 'I can't wait to see my bestfriend.' No more hearing you giggle when we do finally meet up. No more of that shit-eating grim you get when you're excited about something. I don't know when you will appear to me, nor do I want you to right away. Keep you stubborn ass away from me until I'm ready for closure. Every song I hear reminds me of you whether it is good or bad. Please watch over us, Kristen, Ella (especially Ella) and all of the rest that were so close to you. We love you-we miss you-we can't wait to meet again. Until then bestfrann, until then.