A year ago today....

I wrote this two days after Jake passed away, but wanted to share it with you all today...on the 1 year remembrance of his life taken from us. 

I wanted to read it at the funeral, but in the midst of everything going on forgot to bring it with me. Some of these questions have been answered within this year, but the others will remain unanswered forever. 

June 28, 2014

I can't believe you're gone! I'm still waiting for a facebook status/snapchat/text/call saying "Haha! I GOT YOU ALL!!" Let's face it Jake you were quite the jokester. I didn't realize how much of an impact you had on our ENTIRE TOWN until this happened. The person that killed you has NO IDEA the grief they caused. I hate this person with a passion and I would LOVE to seek revenge on them. An eye for an eye right? I know that would get me no where and would do more harm than good. 
I never imagined I would experience the loss of my best friend...especially the loss of you. There are so many regrets I have. I regret all the times I told you 'No' on hanging out, I regret not calling/texting more, but most importantly I regret not being as good of a best friend now like I was when I lived there. 
I've been playing the blame game with myself for the past two days. I know there is nothing I could have done to stop you from leaving, but there will always be a part of me that thinks I could have. I'm angry! So angry! You still had so fight in you., You still had so many dreams left to achieve. In seven years of being your friend, I've seen you grow as a person. From an immature teenager to a man whose top priority was to provide for his family. Family has always been you passion whether they were blood or a friend that accepted you for who you were and going to become. 
I've been praying every night since I got the news that you felt no pain, that your adrenaline was so high that the impact of the crash killed you instantly. Morbid I know, but I hope that's how it happened. I pray that someone comes forward and provides us all with the information that will give us all a little bit of closure.
The next trip home is not going to be the same. There will be no texts from you saying 'I can't wait to see my bestfriend.' No more hearing you giggle when we do finally meet up. No more of that shit-eating grim you get when you're excited about something. I don't know when you will appear to me, nor do I want you to right away. Keep you stubborn ass away from me until I'm ready for closure. Every song I hear reminds me of you whether it is good or bad. Please watch over us, Kristen, Ella (especially Ella) and all of the rest that were so close to you. We love you-we miss you-we can't wait to meet again. Until then bestfrann, until then. 

Comments

  1. UnknownJune 26, 2015 at 11:16 AM

    It's very nice Josie it's kind of weird that you can come up with stuff when you are grieving I have written a few for David . Always know that your BFF is always there when you need him I promise

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Messy Bun Crochet Beanie Pattern

Image
PATTERN UPDATED ON 12/19/16 Yesterday, my facebook BLEW UP with friends posting a picture of a crocheted Beanie with a messy bun sticking out....on my wall asking "Can you make this?" "OMG! How much would you charge me if you made this?" "I would buy 3 of these if you made them" I woke up this morning determined to make something similar to this beanie. So I did. I only have a written pattern (down below) I have not made a photo pattern because I have a 3 month old and am surprised that I even finished it today. SO ENJOY THIS PATTERN AND FEEL FREE TO SHARE YOUR FINISHED PRODUCTS WITH ME OR ANY TIPS/TRICKS YOU DID ALONG THE WAY. Messy Bun Crochet Beanie Pattern--UPDATED 12/19/16 Materials Used Worsened Weight Yarn #4 5.5mm Hook Stitches Used Half Double Crochet-- HDC Double Crochet-- DC Treble Crochet-- TC Cross Stitch-- Skip st, Treble stitch in next st; Cross back going in front of Treble stitch just made, and Treble stitch in ...
Read more

Hey Jealousy....

You decided to ween your way back into my life again. I thought I was rid of you, but turns out I'm not. There is nothing I can do to make me stop being jealous of this girl. She's over there with my husband and has been for the past six months. She gets to see him pretty much every day. Now she wants to post pictures on facebook with him. It's like a slap in the face. She knows I can't stand her ass, and given the history of him and her I'm sure she's thinking that the past is going to repeat itself. She can think that all she wants, but I'm not like his ex. I will put up a fight. That is all I guess.
Read more

36 Weeks Pregnant!

Image
Yes, I am! After six years, Alex and I were finally blessed with a little one. A little boy to be exact. We found out 4 days before Christmas 2015, and told our parents that night. It was their Christmas present. First Ultrasound was at 10 weeks. His heartbeat was 157 bpm and as much as I wanted a girl, I knew from the moment I saw the ultrasound he was a boy. Two weeks later...we let Lucky make the announcement to the world. After, the world knew..Alex and I made a trip to Michigan for the last time until the big move back in May. Once back in Kansas, Alex left for 7 weeks to recruiting school. When he left I was 14 weeks...when he came back I was 22 weeks. It was a huge difference. The nice thing about Alex coming home, besides the fact that I missed him terribly, was that that was the same week we would find out if we were Team Pink or Team Blue. The day of our 22 week ultrasound, I had to drink 1 Liter of water within a half hour 1 1/2 hours before my appointme...
Read more