Frustration.

I'm frustrated and I'm trying so hard not to be.
I know that if I need help to just say something, but I shouldn't HAVE to say 'I need help.' Like seriously...this is your child too. Instead my frustration is shown to my son. NO! Do NOT get that confused with taken out on my son!!! I would never put my hands on my child in an abusive way. What I mean by that is he can sense my frustration and in turn, he acts on it. He feels frustrated, upset, sad etc. Everything that his mother is feeling....he starts to feel.

So again...why don't I say something? Because I lack communication. I can't seem to get the words out right. I end up yelling or get even more frustrated and then he feels like I'm belittling him and then I feel guilty. So then the cycle continues.

The only way I feel better I guess is by putting it down on 'paper'. I know he senses my frustration I just wish he would realize that its towards him. We've been together for 7 years, I'm not a difficult person. I've always worn my emotions on my sleeve. He knows when something is wrong, but refuses to acknowledge it.

Some days I feel so alone---like I might as well be a single parent. I'm practically doing it myself anyway. I love that little man with all of my heart though and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

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